Movies on a Plane Ride Home

I took my first flight home from Tokyo, Japan. Each day since my return, I have sobbed deep, incoherent cries, without fail. I sit here now, in the shadows of my own abyss, to contemplate where I am, where my heart has been, why love feels hard to reach, and how to return to it again. Where is the source? I think about the movies I watched on the plane ride home.